I got the amazing opportunity to go to Camp Smile-A-Mile, Wednesday and Thursday, as part of my camp nursing class. Camp SAM is sponsored by Children's Hospital and is a camp for children who are undergoing cancer treatment or who are in remission. It's held during the summer on Lake Martin in Alexander City. They have two week long camps a summer, kids and teen camp, and then have family camps and sibling camps a few weekends during the summer. This past week was the teen camp week, so the campers were ages 13-18. I'm going to try to convey at least some of the amazing things that I saw while I was there.
When I arrived on Wednesday, the campers were finishing up dinner, and were about to break into girls and guys to have girl's night/guy's night. The guys had skateboarders come to watch, got massages (haha!) and then played basketball or swam. The girls had a spa night where they could do their finger nails, hair, soak their feet, or do the hot wax thing on their hands (I'm still not exactly sure what it is!). I didn't really know anyone to talk to at first, so I had plenty of time to just look around, and take everything in. I saw a couple bald heads, a couple girls that you could tell were wearing wigs. I saw some swollen faces and one girl who couldn't move one side of her face. She also had her shoulder and arm amputated. There were a lot more amputations too. A lot of teens get cancer in their bones, due to their growth spurts. So, there were a lot of teens there this week with one or double amputations. Also, when you have cancer of the bone, you're joints hurt. So, it hurt a lot of them to walk, and you could even tell because they limped a lot. Also, due to chemotherapy, a lot of them have low platelet counts. One girl hit her foot earlier in the week, and had a huge hematoma covering the entire top of her foot, that was really hurting her.
But then I sat down at one of the tables and started talking to some of the girls. We just talked about normal things, like what color we were going to paint our nails, where they got their shirt at, the boy they were going to go to the dance with, how much fun they had riding the banana boat... I did meet one girl there that night, Megan*, that when she found out I was a nursing student at UAB told me that her brother and her both wanted to be doctors. She said that they were both going to go to UAB and then wanted to open a practice together. She asked me what field I wanted to go into, and I told her that I wasn't really sure yet. When I asked her what field she wanted to go into, her eyes lit up, and she said, "pediatric oncology". While we were talking I asked her what all she had been doing at camp this week. She gave me this long list of stuff, and said, "That's only part of it really. It has just been amazing. Everything is amazing." She was just so happy to be there, and felt so blessed to be there.
I also noticed that night that all of those girls, even though they have had cancer or have cancer now, are so completely just normal girls. And they're all different too. All different types of personalities and from all different types of cliques and everything. Just like if you walked into a high school classroom. At about 10 our night of spa-ing ended, so everyone headed back to their cabins.
The next morning I got up early and went ahead and headed to the dining hall. I was sitting on a bench when the first cabin of guys showed up. One of the guys came up and just started talking to me. He was asking me about what I was doing there, and if I liked camp so far. Then the girls that I had hung out with the night before came up and started talking to me. They were complaining because their counselor was going to make them do "a really stupid" song for the cheer/song that every cabin has to do before they can eat. After all the cheers, the camp director said that they were going to make some announcements and then pray. One of the girls went out of her way planning to make sure that I was going to be included in the circle when they prayed!
Everyone went in for breakfast after praying, and I found the nurses since they were going to be giving out meds. Almost all of the campers there had a huge plastic thing of meds - the size of the medication organizer that my grandfather has. I saw one girl come up and ask one of the nurse's for neurontin. It's a drug that relieves neuropathic pain, or what a lot of people call "cancer pain". One thing that I definitely saw this week was that nothing, whether amputations or pain, kept these kids from having fun at camp.
After breakfast, I watched the kids shoot water balloons at the two camp directors, and one of the doctors and the nurse practitioner that work with them in the clinic, while they were in canoes and kayaks in the lake. When the nurse practitioner got back on shore, he was making jokes with them about just wait until you come back to clinic next week and we have to do a spinal tap or something! I also noticed while I was there that they love to make fun of cancer... at first I was like, oh my gosh I can't believe that they're making jokes about their cancer, but now I think what else can they do?... they're teenagers.
Then I watched some arts and crafts. It was during arts and crafts that I learned about one camper from last summer, Amy*, that had died during the school year. The campers told me that at camp last year she was in a wheel chair and was on oxygen. They said that she was in a lot of pain, and could hardly talk. But she still came to camp, and she still had a smile on her face, and did everything at camp that she was able to do. The campers were writing letters to Amy's mom about memories they had of her at camp.
After lunch, it's water time! Most of the teens swim or go on the boat to tube or ride the banana boat. They also had some drum sets set up that they could play, or they could play Wii in one of the cabins. Thursday, they also had a guy come so they could tie die. This guy was like a tie die professional, was a little weird, but all of their shirts looked really awesome! I ended up helping set up for tie die, and then I went and swam in the pool, and then ended up swinging by the lake for a while. Camp SAM is such just a peaceful place. It really felt like time went so slow and every moment was so special.
I was on my way back to change after swimming and pack up when two of the nurses catched up with me. They told me that after dinner there would be a memorial service for the campers that had died the past year. They said that they just wanted to make sure that I knew about it, and that I was prepared for it, because it would probably be really sad, but would be a cool thing to see. Then they told me that there would be a talent show after that. So, I decided to go ahead and stay a little longer for the memorial service and to watch the talent show.
After dinner all of the campers headed over to a small white church and white gazebo that is right on the lake. I walked over with Megan, who told me that she was afraid that she was going to get really upset during the service, because she had been really good friends with Amy. But she said that she was glad that Amy wasn't suffering anymore, and that it was what Amy had wanted. Everyone sat around the cazebo, and we all got a candle. One of the directors of the camp read out the list of all the campers who had died. There were about 7 of them. Then she gave the campers a chance to say something. One girl stood up and read something that she had written for all the campers. Another girl stood up and read a letter that she had written for Amy. She was crying the whole time that she was reading it. She said that two years ago had been her first summer at camp. She had been diagnosed with cancer just earlier that year, and Amy was the first person that befriended her at camp. She said that she had so much fun with Amy at camp, and that Amy would always call her to ask how her treatments were going. She said that last year, she was so excited about getting to see Amy again at camp. But she was so sad when she saw the condition that Amy was in. But still Amy tried so hard to make sure that everyone was having fun at camp. It was then that I realized just what these kids are going through. Here they are at camp, hearing about some of their best friends, who have died from cancer, and they have cancer right now. And they don't know for sure if they will be here to come to camp next summer.
It was then that I was just like this is so not fair that they're having to go through this. What is the difference between them and other teenagers? Why do they have to go through this? Why does God allow them to have cancer and watch their friends die from cancer? I know that I believe that the reason there is suffering in this world is because we have allowed there to be sin in this world. But it's still not fair. Even though in the large scheme of things and logically it might seem fair, my human mind cannot see it as being fair. By this time we all were crying, and then a boy got up and limped around the gazebo to the front. He said that he knows that we're all upset, but if we all accept Christ, then we're saved. He said that he wasn't afraid to die, if he dies he knows that he's going to heaven to be with God. I've heard people, including teenagers, say this before, but I've never heard a teen who has an illness that could kill him say it.
One of the doctors stood up too, and talked about one of the boys that had died. He said that he was so good at speaking and had such beautiful words. That this would have been the time of the week, when he would have stood up and inspired everyone. The doctor started crying and then said, "I wish I had his words for him right now." After that we started lighting the candles. Then everyone took their candle and put it down in the sand beside the lake. Then some of the teens walked over to the memorial gardens by the church. Some stayed sitting at the gazebo. But everyone was quiet and just thinking. I saw some get up and hug each other. I had been thinking the past couple of days if being a nurse with kids with cancer would be something I might want to do. I would love to, but it really would so hard. I also saw one of the nurses just all of sudden break down, and then she quickly walked over to the gardens and sat in the grass for a while.
Overtime, we all just made our way back to camp, and sat down at the outdoor stage for the talent show. I sat down by one of the girls that I had met in the pool that day. We started talking about choir, because she's in the choir at her school. You could tell that everyone was still thinking about the memorial service, but no one wanted to talk about it anymore. Soon, the talent show started. The acts were everything from elvis impersonators to dancing to singing to monologues to magic tricks. It was a lot of fun to watch, and just to see how much confidence so many of the teens have.
About half way through one of the counselors came up and sung a worship song. After he finished everyone cheered for him to do another. After he finished that one, he just went into amazing grace. Everyone automatically started singing with him. It was one of the most beautiful moments that I've ever been a part of. And God reminded me, that even though it's not fair that these teens have cancer, that they see their friends die, that they have their arms amputated, that they loose control of their face due to brain tumors, that they suffer like I could never imagine, and hurt so much, that he has not forsaken them. That he maybe even reminds them more then he even reminds me that he loves them and that he's there for them. He uses the situation to love them. And they are so much more observant and open to him.
I had to leave during the middle of the talent show, to head back to birmingham, but I really didn't want to. The feeling that I had walked from the stage to my car away from everything that I had experienced there in just a day and a half was so weird. I don't know what God has planned for me as a nurse, but I would love to work with kids like that. I really hope that I can go back to Camp SAM again next summer!
I wish I could show you pictures of these amazing people!... but that's kind of a HIPAA violation!
* I also changed some names so HIPAA wouldn't arrest me! But here's some scenic pictures!
