Blogging Instead of Sleeping...

For the past nine months or so I have been working with a youth group at a smaller church in Birmingham. I was really excited when I saw that I had the opportunity to do this, because ever since I spent a summer in Kansas doing summer missions, I have always really loved working with teenagers. I started off just going to their youth services on Sundays and Wednesdays and forming relationships with the youth. A few months after that we started having small groups and I led the girl's small group. In April the youth minister felt led to leave the church and I ended up starting to teach on Wednesday nights. I don't know what it was, or if it is even explainable, but I really feel like this change really affected my relationship with the youth, especially some of my small group girls.

Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't just their friend anymore, but was also now their youth class teacher. It probably also had something to do with the fact that I'm definitely not a teacher, and that I was feeling from the beginning that this was more then God wanted me to be doing there. But I did see during the past few months that what I love about youth ministry so much is just the relationships that I get to form with the youth. I know it might be kind of crazy but these teeenagers at Irondale and the teenagers that I worked with in Kansas, really are my friends, and I really hope that they see me as a trustworthy friend.

After seeing all this and also falling out of a college ministry, I saw that God was telling me that it was time to leave irondale, and to get back community and growth in a ministry. So, Wednesday was my last night, and it was sad that I won't be seeing them every Wednesday, but I have complete peace that it's what I'm supposed to do. Another cool thing is that one of my small group girls has been texting me like every day. She definitely didn't do this before, and maybe she is now just because she knows that she won't see me as much. But it is really cool to get a chance to talk to her throughout the day and see what she's up to. I'm really going to miss working with a youth ministry, but I am really excited to still have relationships with the youth, and hope that I will be good about keeping in touch!!

Rebecca, me, and Lisa

Alex, Bradley, Colin, Ben, Andrew, Lisa, Ana, Rebecca, Sarah, me, and Pam

Earthly vs. Eternal Disappointments

Today I had my next to last OB clinical. Ever since my last clinical I've been hoping that I could go to the OR to see a C/S (Ceserean section) because I've now taken care of both a post C/S baby and mom, and a few people in my clinical group have had the chance to see a C/S.

So, today I got to the hospital and met my clinical group and instructor in the cafeteria. She started off making assignments by asking who would want to see a C/S. Another girl and I both raised our hands. Dr. Ross made the observation that I've seen a birth whereas Colette had not, but I only have one more clinical day left, whereas Colette has two. So, I'm thinking that I'm going to get to go to C/S, but later Dr. Ross ends up assigning me to antepartum. So, first of all I'm disappointed that I don't get to go to C/S and then even more disappointed because I've heard that antepartum is way boring.

So, I go to antepartum, and I only got to do patient care for seriously maybe a combined hour for the entire day. I spent most of my day looking up information on the things my patient has - preeclampsia, idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura, hyperglycemia, one of her meds, prednisone, and making care plans pertaining to all these things. I even twittered at the end of the day that I had had the most boring clinical day today.

Tonight I got out my bible and journal to continue studying James 1:19-27 that I've been breaking down the past week or so. It's the verse that compares looking into a mirror and then immediately forgetting what we look like to reading God's word and then forgetting what it says and not applying it to our lives. I think it's verse 9 that says "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." This was the part of the verse that I had been focusing on, and I had been looking up other verses on listening and being slow to speak.

I came across one verse about a week ago that I really fell in love with. It's Proverbs 22:11, "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." I wrote it out in my journal, and even put it on my facebook profile. But today I realized that my speech had not been gracious. In the cafeteria when both Colette and I wanted to go to C/S, I could have just said that she could go. That would have definitely been gracious speech. But instead I didn't say anything and I just sat there! Then after clinicals I complained to Lindsey, Megan, and my mom about how I didn't get to go to C/S and how boring my day had been. Again, not very gracious or uplifting speech.

I'm disappointed in myself that this is something that I have been studying and praying about, and I couldn't even manage to use it today in such a simple way, because I was selfish in the fact that I wanted to get to go to C/S. God did allow me to see two things today that I did get out of my (I won't deny it haha) really boring day in antepartum.

1) One of my nurse's patients was hispanic and could not speak English. The nurse didn't want to call an interpreter because she said that the nurse did the same thing to the girl every day and that she didn't have any questions to ask the girl. But what if the girl had a question and didn't think that she could ask it since there was no interpreter? I was happy today that there were a couple times when I got to use my Spanish to explain a few things to her. But today I saw another thing that I don't want to fall into. I don't want to ever keep someone from being able to communicate or keep me from being able to communicate with one of my patients, just because it takes a little effort to get an interpreter on the phone.

2)Since I had a lot of time to think today... haha, I did think some about my experience in OB clinicals this semester. I saw that the thing that I enjoy about OB is the babies. I definitely don't want to be an OB/postpartum/antepartum nurse. I really liked getting to go to the RNICU last clinical though. I also really like working with patient's families, and I think that's really important for families whose babies are in intesive care. So... I finally have something to begin a list of what I might possible want to do when I graduate!! - neonatal intesive care nurse!! It feels good to have something!

Anyways... I hope today that I have learned that even in the simplest ways, my earthly disappointments could never be worse or bigger then even the smallest or seemingly insignificant or easily forgiveable eternal disappointment.

Real Legacies

I have had so many things floating around in my head that I wanted to blog about, but I haven't had much time lately for blogging! I just added so much crap to my facebook profile though, so I figured I could work in a blog too!

I wanted to write about my grandfather. He passed away a little over a week ago. He died of a massive heart attack, so even though he had emphysema, and had been sick for a while, it was very surprising when my mom called and told me.

PawPaw and baby Jennifer

I feel like I learned so much about my grandfather in the few days after he died. My grandfather was legally blind from birth, and became completely blind in the past few years. What I never knew though, was that he was the first blind student to attend Talladega High School. He went to school at the Alabama School for the Deaf and Blind, so when he graduated he actually got two degrees. I heard a lot of people at his funeral talking about how much of a big deal that this was, and that he was always trying to do anything to fight for the rights of handicapped persons. Not that he would have ever seen himself as "handicapped". He did anything that he wanted to do, and never let the fact that he couldn't see stop him.

MawMaw and PawPaw back in the day

Another thing that I learned was that my grandfather really loved to write. This was really cool to me because one of my favorite things to do is to journal and write short stories. He even typed up an autobiography that my uncle let me read. My uncle also had some other writings of my grandfather, kind of like journal entires. There was one that really stood out to me. My grandfather never really talked that much. He definitely was never one to try to grab the attention of the room. Now my grandmother... another story... haha. But, he talked about that in this journal entry. About how he has never seen any need in speaking unless his speech had a purpose, or that what he had to say was worth hearing. I really saw that my grandfather's lack of talking was not shyness or not caring to join the conversation, but was just him being really really humble. I never remember ever feeling that my grandfather was doing anything for his own gain, not even speaking for his own gain.

Another reason I love nursing school... Crazy Friends!

We make fun of incontinence.
We enjoy fun afternoons in parking lots.
We often unwind at The Pancake House after patho exams.
If you knew Candi this would make sense.
In nursing school, men can become pregnant.

Despite all the crap, I still love nursing school!!

Last semester I had some doubts about whether or not I could make it through nursing school. I think I was having those doubts because I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be a nurse. I had just gotten back from an amazing week and a half in Niger, and sitting and studying for hours upon hours just did not work well with me at all! I loved those eleven days that I spent there. I had never felt so close to God before, even though I don't think that I had ever been in a darker environment. I felt that nursing wasn't a good enough thing to study and devote part of my life too, when I had just seen how much lostness there is in other parts of the world.

But at the beginning of this summer, we did a series on the body of Christ and church with the youth group. As part of that, one Wednesday night we studied spiritual gifts, and I put together a small group discussion on different spiritual gifts (that we still haven't used -- long story...). I've heard sermons on spiritual gifts before, and even taken one of those amazing spiritual gift quizzes (haha, I told the youth not to take one), but I don't know if I ever really realized what my spiritual gift was.

1 Corinthians 12:27 says, "those able to help others" and Romans 12:8 says "if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously" but I love the wording in The Message in Romans 12:8 "give aid to people in distress." It really only occured to me this summer that this is my spiritual gift. It makes sense... First, I'm always drawn to those "in distress". Whether it's a friend that's having problems or sick children in Niger. The reason that I first wanted to be a nurse was because I wanted to work with children with cancer. I seem to have an affinity for what some people might call depressing, but it really isn't to me.

And so, I realized this summer that nurses... are helpers. Nurses help people cope with disease or death, we help people with their daily activities when they're too weak or sick to do it themselves, we help people's families, we help people with their medications or treatments, we help people get back to their normal lives. And God has blessed me with the opportunity to study to become a nurse, a secular job (really though, I don't think it is) where I get to use my spiritual gift every single day!!... in my job!!

So, when I have been studying Pharmocology for 5 hours, or when I'm reading boring Research chapters, or getting stressfully quizzed by a clinical instructor, it's all worth it because of what I get to do at clinicals. This semester I've gotten to see a baby be born, help a teenage mother during her first day of parenthood, and... play with babies!! So, when I am so stressed... like now... and just wish that I could go to the beach for a week or just watch TV, it helps to know that this career is something that God has given me so I can help others, not just something that I have picked.