Earthly vs. Eternal Disappointments

Today I had my next to last OB clinical. Ever since my last clinical I've been hoping that I could go to the OR to see a C/S (Ceserean section) because I've now taken care of both a post C/S baby and mom, and a few people in my clinical group have had the chance to see a C/S.

So, today I got to the hospital and met my clinical group and instructor in the cafeteria. She started off making assignments by asking who would want to see a C/S. Another girl and I both raised our hands. Dr. Ross made the observation that I've seen a birth whereas Colette had not, but I only have one more clinical day left, whereas Colette has two. So, I'm thinking that I'm going to get to go to C/S, but later Dr. Ross ends up assigning me to antepartum. So, first of all I'm disappointed that I don't get to go to C/S and then even more disappointed because I've heard that antepartum is way boring.

So, I go to antepartum, and I only got to do patient care for seriously maybe a combined hour for the entire day. I spent most of my day looking up information on the things my patient has - preeclampsia, idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura, hyperglycemia, one of her meds, prednisone, and making care plans pertaining to all these things. I even twittered at the end of the day that I had had the most boring clinical day today.

Tonight I got out my bible and journal to continue studying James 1:19-27 that I've been breaking down the past week or so. It's the verse that compares looking into a mirror and then immediately forgetting what we look like to reading God's word and then forgetting what it says and not applying it to our lives. I think it's verse 9 that says "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." This was the part of the verse that I had been focusing on, and I had been looking up other verses on listening and being slow to speak.

I came across one verse about a week ago that I really fell in love with. It's Proverbs 22:11, "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." I wrote it out in my journal, and even put it on my facebook profile. But today I realized that my speech had not been gracious. In the cafeteria when both Colette and I wanted to go to C/S, I could have just said that she could go. That would have definitely been gracious speech. But instead I didn't say anything and I just sat there! Then after clinicals I complained to Lindsey, Megan, and my mom about how I didn't get to go to C/S and how boring my day had been. Again, not very gracious or uplifting speech.

I'm disappointed in myself that this is something that I have been studying and praying about, and I couldn't even manage to use it today in such a simple way, because I was selfish in the fact that I wanted to get to go to C/S. God did allow me to see two things today that I did get out of my (I won't deny it haha) really boring day in antepartum.

1) One of my nurse's patients was hispanic and could not speak English. The nurse didn't want to call an interpreter because she said that the nurse did the same thing to the girl every day and that she didn't have any questions to ask the girl. But what if the girl had a question and didn't think that she could ask it since there was no interpreter? I was happy today that there were a couple times when I got to use my Spanish to explain a few things to her. But today I saw another thing that I don't want to fall into. I don't want to ever keep someone from being able to communicate or keep me from being able to communicate with one of my patients, just because it takes a little effort to get an interpreter on the phone.

2)Since I had a lot of time to think today... haha, I did think some about my experience in OB clinicals this semester. I saw that the thing that I enjoy about OB is the babies. I definitely don't want to be an OB/postpartum/antepartum nurse. I really liked getting to go to the RNICU last clinical though. I also really like working with patient's families, and I think that's really important for families whose babies are in intesive care. So... I finally have something to begin a list of what I might possible want to do when I graduate!! - neonatal intesive care nurse!! It feels good to have something!

Anyways... I hope today that I have learned that even in the simplest ways, my earthly disappointments could never be worse or bigger then even the smallest or seemingly insignificant or easily forgiveable eternal disappointment.