Lately...

Things have been so weird lately... so much has gone on... so many decisions have been made... so much confusion has been issued. I am ready to graduate and get settled in whatever I'm going to be doing for the next year/ couple of years, however long God is going to keep me in that place.

School hasn't been that bad this semester. I got my preceptorship in the open heart surgery unit at Shelby Baptist in Alabaster. It's not what I wanted... but I've actually ended up liking it. I had to move back home to Albertville in May, which I wasn't happy about, but God has used it to show me what amazing friends I have. Beth, Meghan, and Anna have allowed me to stay in their places multiple times this semester during the week, so I won't have to get up at 3:30 AM to get to clinical in time. I do love them for that reason!! I've also grown closer to some of my Albertville friends, since being home more.

Lately, I feel like I've been having to make way too many decisions!! Where do I want to live? Where do I want to work? What do I want to do with my life? To make it even harder, an opportunity came up a few weeks ago for me to spend a few months in Niger after graduating to live and work in a children's home. If you are like, "whaaaaat?" I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I hardly told anyone. I wanted to do this SO badly. At first, I thought that I would actually be staying for more like a year and that maybe possibly the IMB would help with funding a little bit. Then I learned that I would have to raise the money and be there by August, so... hence we dropped to just a few months! lol. I talked to the girl in Africa who would be my teammate, and then took a week to pray about it. I wanted to go and do this so badly, but no matter how much faith I tried to have about raising the money or how excited I was, I could not feel peace in my heart about going. Which made me feel even worse. I emailed the missionaries today and told them that I had decided to not come. I will explain more of my reason for this later, but here are the four kids that live there. There are also about 10 kids that come there everyday. The orphanage is a project the church in Niamey is starting. They eventually want to have activities for the kids each week. They want to teach them French and teach them different skills. This way when they grow up, they will have a better chance at doing well in Niger. It is very hard to find a job in Niger, so if they grow up speaking French and having special skills, they will do great. The church also wants to teach the kids about Jesus, in hopes that as they grow physically, they'll also grow spiritually.

The two girls' names are Nadia and Rebecca and the boys' names are Abdulah and Ishmael. I hope when I go back to Niger in August, I'll maybe be able to go and meet these kids. They have a special place in my heart, even though I've never met them. Part of me wants to not go there in August though, I think it'll make me feel even worse about choosing to not go and work with them. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made... I'm still not okay with it... happy about it... settled. I know the decision is made, but I'm still trying to find a way to work around what I know God has told me. I don't understand God at all sometimes. I really don't, but something inside always tells me that he's trustworthy. He's been there for me in ridiculous times before, so I know this will work out right. They still need someone to work for these kids... so... if you want to go... let me know!

In the middle of all this, I'm still looking for a nursing job, trying to figure out where I'd like to work. I really want to work at Children's Hospital in Birmingham, but there are no openings right now. This past week, on Thursday and Friday, I got to shadow at Children's. On Thursday, I shadowed in the hematology/oncology unit and on Friday in bone marrow transplant. I had such an amazing 2 days, and want so badly to work with kids with cancer. A few highlights... on Thursday I learned early not to assume the gender of a younger bald kid. I called a 3 year old girl, a boy... lol! I learned that I'm not crazy for my obsession about kids with cancer. There was a baby on the unit that was just so adorable. One of the nurses said, "He's so cute now, just imagine how adorable he'll be bald!" :) Friday, on bone marrow transplant I got to shadow a nurse who was taking care of a 9 year old who had his transplant the day before. He got his transplant from his big sister.

He was SUCH a cute kid. Baseball and football stuff was ALL over his room. He was really sick and throwing up when I first got there, and that was hard to watch. I mean you know it happens with kids with cancer from the chemo, but it's different when it's a kid you know right in front of you. We got him some medicine and he got to feeling better though. The nurses were telling me some of the things he'd done since being on the unit. These kids that get transplanted usually stay on the unit for about a month. And they have no immune system eventually, so they CAN'T leave. They can't even go to fun events in the hospital like other kids can. Well, the nurse told me that one day he walked out of the room and said, "Jessica (one of the nurses) doesn't shave her arm pits." They were all like what? And about that time she walked out of the med room. He repeated it, and she said, "YES I DO!!" Then he said, "she bent over me and I SAW black dots!!" :D Then one time he was playing guitar hero in his room. One of the nurses was in there, and she bent over and a bit of her crack showed I guess. He started singing about blue moons to the song he was playing! :D Then while I was there, he took off his heart monitor leads and put them on his head. His dad said, "Take those off now... we don't know what's coming off of them... don't want a brain tumor" LOL!! I LOVE these kids and families.

I heard about some hard stuff with the kid though. When they get transplants they have to get crazy doses of chemo for over a week. Most of the time they get 2 kinds of chemo on the same day. These doses are about 10x the level of what a normal kid gets just to treat cancer. The doses of chemo are lethal, so if for some reason the transplant doesn't work, then they will loose the kid. But they give the kids a calender that has what days they get chemo up until the transplant. The last day before the transplant, they usually don't get any chemo, and the calender says, "The day of rest." This poor 9 year old looked at that calender, and thought that the day of rest was the day he was going to die. Also, while I was there he had to get a really small dose of chemo. When the nurses give chemo they have to wear blue gloves and gown to protect them. When the nurse came in to give his chemo, he saw her, and said, "WHATS. THAT.?" We all had to just be like it's okay... this is such a small dose, and it's nothing compared to what you've had to do before." Yellow syringes and IV bags with yellow fluid are the worst thing for these kids to see.

I absolutely loved the past 2 days though. I want to work with kids with cancer so badly, but there are not openings at Children's right now... no openings in the entire hospital to be exact. I'm also thinking about where I want to live. I've thought about huntsville, albertville, birmingham, tuscaloosa, etc. Of course, some of these depending on where I get a job. I really wanted to save some money and move back to bham as soon as I could, but last night, God told me once again that he wants me to stay in Albertville for a bit. I have some good friends in Albertville, but it's not the same as my friends in Birmingham. Maybe part of it is because I haven't been around as much, maybe it will take time... I don't know. But last night I went to this event in Boaz - right beside albertville. I just went because 10th ave north was playing and because the youth group needed chaperones. But the event was called, "Recovery on the Mountain". I live on Sand Mountain, also known as "meth mountain." It's so bad here that A&E even did a special on our county. Last night, God showed me that he wanted me to stay in Albertville, instead of trying to move somewhere else. Not what I would have picked, but I'm excited to see what he has for me to do here. I don't really know why He wants me to stay. Luckily, continuing to live with my parents the entire time was not part of this revelation. So, Jennifer will soon be getting herself a little quaint home of her own. I love my parents, a lot, but living with them as a 22 year old who has lived on her own the past 4 years is not too much fun.

So... now I just have to find a job.